Is it harder to deal with failing or succeeding/pain or pleasure?
I’m going through an amazing transformation that leaves me feeling terrified, humble, and grateful at the same time.
Because I had these strong feelings in the past year, I’ve tried to avoid my spiritual journey. The responsibility terrified me and, honestly, so did the influence that comes with it. After putting up a pretty stubborn fight last year, by the end of the year, I got really tired of resisting. I realized I could only live my life feeling blissful and happy when I become 100 percent truthful with myself. When I finally can claim who I am, I can say what I feel and think, and I can live up to my deepest desires. I also learned it’s crucial for me to start living my life driven by my intuition (says the girl who spent most of her life feeling numb).
My morning spiritual ritual, which includes journaling, meditation, and prayers, helped me to develop the skill to listen to my intuition, which I’ve tried to follow closely as far I can understand it. It has given me a life of full of surprises, joy, clarity, truth, love, and bliss.
I can’t tell you how many times in the past few months out of nowhere I just started crying because I felt so absolutely grateful for all I already have and for all the outstanding people, circumstances, and opportunities. Sometimes I feel as if I’m on a fast train to a place I’ve never visited, and the only thing I can do is hold on tight, hoping I won’t fall.
I also realized, even with all these amazing things, I started to feel fear creeping up on me. Fear of losing the momentum. Fear of losing the connection to myself that got me where I am today. Fear of going back to my old ways. Fear of losing hope and faith. Fear of disconnecting from the universe and losing the love I carry within me.
I also noticed, though, that focusing on the fear takes me away from my experience. I understand that I’m only scared because I’m going through something new in my life or, at least, I haven’t felt for a long time. I want to give myself to this moment fully and enjoy it without thinking that something bad will happen or I’ll be punished for my moments of happiness.
Life is never certain. If we think it is, we’re just deluding ourselves. We never know what the next moment will bring us. We can only remain open to everything that happens to us and go through life making the best of every moment. If I make the best out of this moment, I give myself fully to the joy, to my incredible network and the people who surround me, and to the opportunities that come into my life. I try to stay open, curious, faithful, and humble, and I say a prayer every morning not only to express my gratitude but also to ask for support so I can keep my heart open for this remarkable experience. I also recognize the fear, and instead of trying to avoid it, I hold its hands on the journey to bliss.
Have you had times in your life like this, when you were so afraid to lose the momentum? When were you terrified of the happiness, love, and joy you experienced because you felt you didn’t deserve it? How did you handle it? What did you tell yourself? Were you terrified of failing?
Please share your thoughts and remember to live consciously!