How to regain focus at the hardest times of your life?
The past couple of years have been like a roller coster for me. Having my marriage fall apart and getting separated were not the easiest of times. This experience came with great challenges and lots of lessons. I’ve learned so much about my needs and what marriage and relationships really mean to me. Though it’s great to see all my gains through the hard times, trying to stay focussed on the positive more than the losses has not been easy. I allowed myself to go through the process of grieving because I had to. I felt something cracked inside of me and I had to dig deep to find my inner strength to climb out of the rabbit hole. I must admit I did not always make the right choices or always carry myself with the dignity and love that I would like to display. I kept hearing from my friends that I must allow myself to be sad, to feel the pain, which I did – but now I feel I need to move on from that place because I was starting to get used to feeling broken, powerless and feeling stuck!
I needed to regain my strength and reclaim my life.
I believe in the universe and I believe that everything that happens in our lives is mean to be. I surrender to the lessons I must learn here, but I refuse to remain stuck – because being there is too uncomfortable!
Even during the hardest times I was trying to work on recreating myself. Though I was constantly falling down, every time I fell, in order to get up I had to dig even deeper to find myself again. For a while I allowed myself to fall out of my workout routine, but then I had to pick it back up again. I’ve allowed myself to fall off of my raw food diet, to stay out late and be somewhat careless, but I always had to bounce back again. I needed to direct my focus on the things that make me feel good, that empower me, and not dwell on the things that make me feel even more broken. I had to start doing this more religiously and consciously.
That all sounds great but how do you find that inner strength when you feel so BLAH? Sometimes I felt so deeply entrenched in that hole that it felt like nothing could get me moving! I attended an NLP event (with Doug O’Brien) that reminded me of the power of asking empowering questions, about the power of our own self-talk, a tool that has always been with me, that I’ve used many times in my life even without reading or hearing about it in a seminar.
So I started asking questions like:
- How can I get myself motivated?
- How can I gain the strength to move forward?
- What are the things I need to tell myself?
- What are the things I need to do?
- How can I make this day count?
- How do I show up to make a positive impact not just in my own life but in others’?
I had to start thinking and looking at my life from the sunny side. Instead of focusing on what made me sad, I started to direct my focus on the good and positive things. I started thinking about things I’m happy about today, things I’m proud of, the people I love and am so grateful to have in my life, and the people who love me for who I am! I remembered the things I’ve already achieved. I started thinking about how many times I’ve been in tough situations that I had the strength and courage to get out of. I knew I could do it again! I knew that I have the strength to build myself back up again and become even stronger.
Asking questions redirected my focus towards the things I could do today in this moment to feel better, to gain the momentum I needed, and to not allow myself stay lost in the past. I answered these questions and took action. Since I’ve been taking actions, one by one, it feels like a door cracking open allowing more and more light coming into my life. My inner world is changing one question, one answer, one word at a time.
Why did I tell this story?
Because we all have been there. We all go through hard times like breakups, overwhelming work situations, bad relationships, health issues, financial struggles, etc. It’s easy to get stuck in a negative pattern if we spend too much time thinking, dwelling on or talking about it.
I want to help you and give you a tool that has been helping me change my emotional state, and with that my life.
How did I reclaim my life and myself?
• First I started a much more regular fitness routine. I did train before, but it was very inconsistent and scattered. Now I make sure I exercise at least 5 times per week.
• I also started a yoga practice that helps me regain my focus and awareness. It also helps my emotional cleansing, just like journaling does.
• I kept up my juicing, and most of the time I’m eating very healthy.
• The next and last steps were what I just started doing recently: paying more attention to the positive things in my life, practicing gratitude for them – and asking questions to get me more motivated. I’m not saying it worked right away, but eventually I started feeling more and more positive emotions taking over inside of me.
What are some questions you can ask yourself today to break out of the emotional limbo in your life? What actions can you take to regain control of your life and change your emotional state? Exercising or maintaining a healthy eating regimen will help because with that you are practicing self love. It will help you change your state of being from: “I don’t care”, to “Yes! I matter! I can do this!”
Think about it! Everyone has their own questions! Take a few minutes to think about them, write them down to ask yourself every day! You will start feeling different, if not right away, much sooner than you think.
NOW is the only moment! Make an effort to do your best! Make this moment the best moment of your life! This is all we know!